Soil, Stove, Savasana - June 25, 2025

Week 34/35 - Ho Chi Minh City, Chiang Mai, and Vipassana - the final chapter

This week’s thought: This week’s edition of my newsletter will be the last one…probably. I’m currently writing this one from San Francisco, back on US soil and so happy to be home. It’s been such an amazing and useful tool to write this newsletter every week, no matter how many views it gets, to keep myself accountable for writing down every amazing experience I’ve had this past year. It’s been cathartic for me to sit down every week, usually over a cup of coffee at some cafe or hostel lobby and reflect on my prior week of stories. I’ve tried the journaling thing, and it wasn’t for me. Mostly because I cannot read my own handwriting most of the time… a very off brand feature of mine that I have horrendous handwriting. But I’m a whiz on the keys, probably thanks to many late nights on AIM messenger in the 9th grade, firing off messages. After so many editions of this newsletter, I’ve realized I don’t think format matters as much as execution to reap the benefits of “journaling.” I cannot believe this year is almost over. As time does, it’s flown by, but at the same time so much has happened. I’ve accomplished so much, I’ve learned so much, and I’ve developed parts of myself I didn’t realize existed beforehand. Hindsight is 20/20, but it’s crazy to think that if not for a few small moments, I could’ve been graduating Georgetown business school right now with some consulting-adjacent job lined up for the fall, or I would hope so. Instead, I’m flew home jobless and with 4 lbs of curry paste in my luggage. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I knew this was the right decision the second this year stopped feeling like a gap year and started feeling the start to a really exciting life. For the first time, I think in my life, I’m not sad to be leaving a trip to go home, closing a chapter, and ‘resuming normal life’. Because that’s not what I’m doing and that’s not what this feels like. I’m only just getting started and I’m bringing all the content from these 35 past newsletters with me. Despite writing this for myself and not ‘caring’ how many readers I had, it certainly helped to get the feedback, likes and comments here and there. So thank you so much to my loyal readers, you know who you are, it’s felt so much less lonely this year knowing that you guys were rooting for me along the way. And don’t worry, I’m not done writing. My goal over the next few months is to compile everything I’ve done and written, underscored with the recipes I’ve learned and turn it into a long form cookbook with anecdotes surrounding each recipe. So stay tuned! Well, lucky me I’m off to Europe in August with Kelson so there just may be more to come from Kerns Korner soon.

TLDR:

• I made it to my last stop in Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City or Saigon! Wow what a metropolis, especially after being in small underdeveloped towns and cities for the past 2 months. It’s like Times Square everywhere in this city. It’s a really cool vibe, lit up with life and people, but not as much character as Hanoi. Definitely less tourists and more a locals’ metropolis filled with the office buildings and young Vietnamese business people. Still loved it though because Vietnam can literally do no wrong.

• I checked into the cutest boutique hotel called Chez Mimosa Petite, I could not recommend this place more (so cheap too). It felt nice to be in a very urban place with ~amenities~ for the weekend. In HCM city, the thing to do is get alllll the services, aka glow up. Haircut, nails, eyebrows, etc. It’s so cheap, good, and every other storefront is a salon of some sort. Want $20 Botox? Go to HCM city. So naturally, I booked a haircut, nail appointment, eyelash, and eyebrow appointment. First was the haircut. Which, I know, is bold of me to get my haircut in a foreign country where I speak 0 of the language. But this salon had thousands of 5 star reviews and said it was a tourist hot spot. So I showed him the picture, a simple trim of my already super long hair, with long layers in the front (which I already have). In essence, a touch up, not a new look. Well, a new look is what I received. He proceeded to chop half my hair off, then cut wild layers all around, turning it into more of a medium length shag haircut. I resemble a male rockstar or Suki Waterhouse after a bad hair day. My long voluminous hair, gone. The stylist said in broken English, “this is more suitable for you.” At first I was so upset, but it’s just hair, what can I do? It’ll grow. And it was $14. I’m kinda getting used to it to be fair, it comes with a bit of a personality change too as haircuts usually do. So when I see y’all next you can see.

• The next day in Ho Chi Minh, I went to the war remnants museum. It was a super great museum and interesting because I feel like we don’t learn a ton about all sides and details of the Vietnam war in school. It was pretty crazy though seeing the part of the museum that talked about why the war was happening and what the outcomes were. The communist sentiment and propaganda that the country has today really shone through as it used language like, “all the Vietnamese people wanted to be liberated by the communist party of the north” “thanks to the other progressive countries (the communist ones like China)” and “the people of the south were begging our socialist party to come save them”. It was also very anti-US, of course. This museum painted the US to be the biggest monster, which I guess in their context of this war, fair enough. The most eerie part of the museum was the war crimes committed by Americas exhibit. The exhibit starts off with the quote from our con situation “all men are crated equal…”, but then goes to show the heinous crimes US soldiers committed on Vietnamese civilians (mostly women and children). It was horrible to see. Especially the following exhibit of the effects of Agent Orange on modern day Vietnamese people. The toxic agent orange that the US sprayed over the country has caused so many deformities in people, it was hard to look at some of the photos. It was a haunting museum, especially as an American to see this stain we have on our country.

• After that experience I needed an upper! So I went to this super cool place called the Cafe Apartments which is an old apartment building that’s been excavated and a few of the units were turned into cafes, tiny shops, and restaurants. It’s fun to wander around the crumbling apartment building to then see a chic Vietnamese cafe. I had a coconut coffee, and wow. That was like coffee ice cream but better.

• The rest of my days here in HCM I mostly wandered around the streets, eating good food like pho, checking out cool markets, and taking in the city. I headed to the airport to fly to Chiang Mai, back to Thailand! But not so fast, obviously I had another visa problem. I accidentally overstayed my visa by one day since my travel plans had changed. I was sent to immigration in the airport where I awaited my fate while my passport was being held hostage. Google said its usually a fine…or jail time! The lines at the airport were so long and at this rate I was going to miss my flight…which I guess wouldn’t matter if I was sent to jail anyways. But 20 minutes later, the immigration guy comes out with my boarding pass and passport says okay and escorts me to the front of every line, I’m at the gate 5 minutes later - no fine, no jail, princess treatment. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.

• I was sad to leave Vietnam as its been my favorite place and its such a special country. There is a sparkle to it that is hard to find, similar to ones I’ve felt in Morocco and Italy. It’s a super special place and the vibes are perfect, I’ll be back.

• Next up, my final destination was Chiang Mai, Thailand! I had two days here before heading an hour outside of the city to check into my 10-day silent meditation course Vipassana.

• My first night in Chiang Mai was a Sunday which meant the Sunday night market was in full swing. As many others, it’s a huge outdoor market with vendors and lots of food. The whole town is here, it’s a great vibe. As I walked around I stumbled upon a little vendor stand with a small table and bottles of wine on it. This old woman advertised her homemade fruit and herb organic wine. Lychee wine, ginseng, berry, and more, it was only $2 a glass - the cheapest I’ve seen here. She beckoned me to try and a glass and how could I say no? So I sat down for a glass of lychee wine, along with about 10 other people at this table. I soon learned they were all expats from the USA or France, a little community who met every Sunday to drink this organic wine together and hang out. The wine and conversation was flowing, and naturally one glass turned into many. I wasn’t even paying for them, just having a blast getting to know everyone and chat. Once I’m a few glasses deep, my foreign language tend to kick into gear. So I of course started speaking French with the French men at the table. I will pat myself on the back for how well I did, despite limited practice since 2021. It was so good that it won over the heart of the old French man next to me. He bought me roses and snacks from the street vendors, as he chatted my ear off. And then he bid me good night and left. Just a sweet, old gentlemen, thankfully nothing creepy about it (cuz you never know and more often than not, it is creepy vibes). I had a blast, the people rotated in and out, we laughed and danced, and before I knew it, I was at that stand for 5 hours. What a fun, serendipitous moment finding this Thai “natural wine bar.”

• The next day I did a wonderful cooking class in the countryside of Chiang Mai, learning to finally cook Pad Thai! It was a great class, I learned all the secrets I had wanted to learn, and we went to a local market where I bought good green and red curry paste and soy sauce to take home. This is the real deal. Of course, I met great people at the class, hit it off with the instructor, and came away with 7 new recipes, one of which is my favorite mango sticky rice!

• I also went to a Muay Thai class to try out the national sport and get a good workout in. And wow, that was the hardest workout ever. It was a 90 minute class of warm up drills, technique, hitting the punching bag, and then doing one on one combat with the instructors. I had an absolute blast. I have boxing background, but had never done the hand to hand combat. And that was so fun. Dripping sweat, I’ve never felt so strong and empowered. I will definitely be taking up Muay Thai when I get to LA. My favorite move was the jumping smack down finale hit. I got so intrigued by the sport and culture around it that at night, I went to the professional match at the Chiang Mai arena. It was cool to see the pros just go so hard and so strong. I really loved all the rituals before and after the matches too, praying, giving offerings, and saluting the opponents.

• I also stopped by a famous Jazz club bar in Chiang Mai before my Muay Thai match, to check out all the hype. This place is a super cool jazz co-op with bands performing from around the world, often comprised of a range of ethnicities. It’s a tiny, tiny bar that fills up so quickly, people are spilling into the streets. Luckily I got a tiny spot just for me front and center. The vibe of this place is amazing, half the town is packed in here to listen to jazz, I understood the hype. My favorite player was the Korean guitar player, with his eyes closed as he rocked out on the electric guitar for countless solos. I’ve never seen someone so into their craft as this guy was into his strings.

• My final adventure in Chiang Mai was a visit to the cutlery shop. I found this handmade cutlery and ceramics shop deep in a local neighborhood and it was like I found heaven. Rows and rows of cutlery, amazing dishes, and the cutest kitchen tools. All for less than $1 a piece. I LOADED up on some cool stuff for our future kitchen. I wish I could’ve fit more in my suitcase since my favorite thing is having items in my life from my travels. I think my favorite thing I got was a soup bowl that has this ornate top to keep soup warm. I might end up using it just for counter decor since it’s so pretty. Next up, I went to the “Thai Super Cheap” store across the street. I was on the hunt for this special vegetable shaver thing they have in SE Asia that I kept using in each cooking class but have never seen in the US before. Not only did I find that for $1, I also found a dual blade pasta cutter for my homemade noodles (50 cents), and a Thai chef’s knife ($3). I am so excited to add these to my culinary collection. I geeked out over the knife.

• The next day it was time to pack up, leave Chiang Mai, and head to the Vipassana meditation center for 10 days. If you’re curious to learn more about what Vipassna entails, please look it up so we can be on the same page for what I’m writing below. Clearly, I’m writing this newsletter on June 24, so I did not stay the full 10 days. I left after Day 3, and will write why and a little about my experience down below at the end of this letter.

Highlights & tidbits:

• You haven’t seen traffic until you’ve been to Ho Chi Minh City and tried to cross a traffic circle. 1000 motos, bikes, cars, no street lights - they don’t use these. I learned that to cross, you just walk straight and don’t stop, they go around you. And it works. It’s such an insane yet empowering experience.

• My total massage count for the past 2 months has come to a whopping 7 massages, and my market visit count has come to 10. SE Asia is just massages and markets.

• In Vietnam, they have all sorts of hand gestures that signal respect or inpoliteness. One that I thought was cool is that every time they hand something to you of importance (like money or passport), they use both hands to hand it over. It does make it seem very fancy and respectful I get it.

• When visiting a temple in Chiang Mai, you can write your wishes on a bamboo stick, pray to the Buddha, and then hang the stick in the temple for good fortune. So I did so and essentially just asked for blessings and good fortune for all my loved ones. Then they ask you make a small donation for doing so. Okay, I thought, I’ll donate a small amount of course. I had had leftover Thai baht in my purse and so looked for a small bill to put in the donation box. However, just being in Vietnam I was thinking in the Vietnamese dong conversation rate which is .00003 dong to USD while baht is .03 baht to USD. So when I saw the 1000 baht in my bag, I thought it was worth $3 and I stuck it in the donation box. Then I remembered it was $30. Well. I gave the temple $30, we all better be blessed and watched over by the Buddha for years to come.

• The one thing I really wanted to buy before leaving here was a pair of extra long and big chopsticks to cook with. I couldn’t find them anywhere until the last market I went to in Chiang Mai. It’s my favorite purchase of my trip, cooking chopsticks.

• They were pumping the smell of menthol into the Chiang Mai boxing stadium, probably to cover up the smell of feet and sweat. It was so strong, I felt eternally alert.

• My chef instructor was quite a character. She said she just got out of a coma and when asked why she said, “My ex husband tried to murder me.” She left us speechless and did not elaborate further. I guess that’s one way to quiet a room.

• I made it home safely and Kelson surprised me at the airport with a bunch of roses, a sign, and Indian food to go. A way to my heart.

• Unfortunately the jet lag is unreal and I feel like I have an enteral hangover. When will this end?!?! Thankfully season 2 of the Dallas cowboy cheerleaders is out so I can binge watch that.

Culinary highlights & tidbits:

• Jackfruit is amazing.

• I had this coconut jelly ball dessert thing and it was so amazing, wrapped in palm leaves and slightly warm.

• My cooking teacher showed me how to make art out of leaves/herbs/seeds in fresh spring rolls to make them fancy, I’m going to start doing that.

• A 1 liter bag of curry paste here is $1.25. A ¼ cup jar of that in the USA would be $15 at least. So I bought liters of curry paste and I hope they make it through security going home.

• I know how to make mango sticky rice and will definitely be cranking that out, often.

My experience at Vipassana, why I left, and what it taught me.

“Never try, never know.” that was the catch phrase of the people of Lombok. I think they used it more as a way to get tourists to try surf lessons, scuba tours, and buy street food, BUT regardless they’ve got a point. So that was my mentality going into Vipassana, if I don’t even try it, I’ll always be wondering. I was questioning going in the first place during the week leading up to it since I was feeling so ready to come home. After traveling alone for 2 months and spending so much time with myself, I was ready to land back in US soil and embrace my loved ones. I nearly decided to just forego the retreat altogether since I didn’t know if going into this already a bit unregulated due to weeks of travel of being in a foreign place alone was the right intro mentality. But, never try never know. So I went. And the first 24 hours was fine but intense. Within 24 hours, I meditated 11 hours total and that in itself had ups and downs. I did have moments of hour long meditations where I truly focused on the sensation of my breath the entire time, and was able to pull my wandering mind back within 30 seconds, a sign of “success” in this course. I felt great about it. Other times, of course it was hard, but I was still up for the challenge of trying. Being silent was honestly very nice and peaceful, especially since everyone around me only spoke Thai. The demographic was about 60 women, 58 of them Thai and over the age of 55. 25 of those people were proper monks. Then there was me.

It’s an interesting experience to be surrounded by strangers who don’t speak your language and have the possibility of communicating removed entirely. It takes the pressure off trying to interact with one another and just existing together in the same routine, despite being so separate in the outside world. That was nice. Also being in an environment where everyone is off all phones, books, and any sort of entertainment or distraction. It becomes socially normal to just stare into the distance or wander around. In the outside world, I would feel self conscious not doing anything with myself in moments alone and silence, like at dinner or while waiting for a bus. So taking away the option for entertainment completely was such a relief. Staring at a tree for 45 minute was nothing short of normal here. Eating in silence, slowly, distraction free, was my favorite part. I think food tasted better, I digested it better, and I valued the nourishment from food rather than just the act of eating. This is something I would really like to implement back home as much as possible. And if anything, it connected me more to the power food holds over us and a the emotions it can bring, igniting my passion for cooking and being a chef professionally even more so.

So in terms of the silence and entertainment free zone, I was quite enjoying it. Where it was the hardest for me, was the mundane repetition of meditation being the only activity all day everyday for 10 days. We would have 5 minute breaks or meal breaks in between each hour or 90 minute meditation block, but then after the break, it was right back to meditation. I craved showering at night sine it was something to do, even cleaning my room was nice. I would’ve happily swept the floor or something just to do something other than sit in a silent room with my eyes closed and meditate. I could meditate for an hour straight, that was fine, but it was the fact that there was nothing different afterwards. What followed was another hour of meditation, again and again. And I know, that’s the point of this course. But why it irritated me was because I had it in my head that I just wanted to go home, before I even stepped foot on this campus. I had it in my head that all that was standing between me and seeing Kelson at the SFO airport was these 10 days of meditation. And when 1 minute felt like an hour, and all I had to do was sit in meditation, those 10 days would pass unbearably slow. And it was unbearable. As with meditation and silence, you’re alone with your thoughts and in your own head. In my own head I came to the conclusion on Day 2 that I was not meant to be here right now, what am I doing, I should be home. I came here on my free will and I think it’s not right for me.

In short, this feeling coupled with the environment I was in, made me spiral into anxiety of feeling trapped here. I had 4 major panic attacks and breakdowns, alone in my room but also in the meditation hall, although no one could help me because we are all eyes closed and silent (they kind of let you go through it on your own unless you ask for help). And after each breakdown, I would recover feeling empty, like a shell of person wafting through the halls. I looked drained and I felt it. But I kept telling myself, this is normal, it gets better after Day 4. So I kept on going. But then one night we had a discourse talk, which was a video of the man who started Vipassana just talking about the purpose of the technique, the goal, and some big lofty ideas about life. I think this discourse every night is supposed to reassure people of why they’re here, help them through the tough days. But something he said struck me and ultimately led to my decision to leave the next night. He said this technique helps one get to the source of their misery and suffering in life, before coming here, so that you can essentially control your own suffering and live in peace. And I realized in that moment, it was not my time to be here. I’m not in misery and suffering right now and I’m not really in a quest to find harmonious living, at this time. Right now, I’ve never been happier, I’ve been full of joy and life up until these past 2 days. And every time I have a breakdown here, I lose a bit of that life. I feared that if I stayed all 10 days and continued this cycle, I would leave with a part of myself and my spirit lost. This was not the way to end my amazing year, I was not meant to return subdue, but rather electrified with everything that I’ve cultivated this past year. So, I made up my mind to leave.

Before you leave, you have to tell the managers and also ask the “permission” of the meditation teacher. I think often people come to them panicking but the teacher helps reassure any of their fear and to “trust the process’, after which most people end up staying. I went to the teacher, with a translator because he didn’t speak English, and told him essentially everything I just wrote above, with a bit of tears as well. He asked where I was from and if I came here alone. I said America and yes. He said, “Let’s get you home, it’s not your time to be here. But if you want to come back one day in the future, we’ll be happy to receive you with open arms.” Relief and reassurance washed over me instantly. And just like that the amazing staff helped me coordinate my departure. They couldn’t have been nicer and more supportive. Their compassion sparked a familiar emotion for me. The same one I had when I called up Georgetown admissions last summer and told them I wanted to unenroll last minute to explore a different path and the admissions lady was equally supportive and compassionate. This emotion was one of feeling so supported and validated that I was making the right decision for me, that I knew what I needed most. I was not in oppression with people who were in positions of ‘power’ over me, arguing my case, and being told what to do or what’s good for me. Rather, they supported me and said “you’re right.” And I don’t think I realized until this moment that as a girl, a physically small girl too (height affects women too), this has not always been my experience with those in power over me - professors, coaches, bosses, even doctors. I was rarely validated that I knew myself best or that “I was right”, I was told. So this new emotion, of being empowered by power, this is what I craved. I think this is what it feels like to truly be free.